To be fair, I did it to myself for at least two of these picks, but still.
First up was the highly anticipated Netflix film, The King starring Timothée Chalamet in the lead role. Flanking him were other A-listers, Ben Mendelsohn, Robert Pattinson, and Joel Edgerton. Individually, they all did well, but the film itself was way too long and painfully slow in parts. The battle scenes were claustrophobic, which I suppose they would be in real life, but some parts were honestly comical. I’ll give credit where it’s due though, and that’s to the always underrated Joel Edgerton and Pattinson’s French accent. It teetered between awesome and ridiculous (sometimes in the same scene), and I loved it. As someone who doesn’t really care for historical films, you can’t totally take my word for it, but you won’t be missing out if you don’t watch.
Next up was the most cheese-ball movie I could have forced myself to watch this year, and that was A Cinderella Story: A Christmas Wish. Is it too early to be watching Christmas films? Absolutely. But I am a fan of the original Hilary Duff lead Cinderella Story, and I watched Disney way longer than I should have, so seeing Austin & Ally’s Laura Marano and Wizards of Waverly Place Gregg Sulkin lead this film was enough of a push to get me to watch it. Bad move. I honestly turned the volume down several times throughout the film so my sister wouldn’t hear how ridiculously terrible this was. There were songs, and wigs, and awkwardness in abundance! The songs were equally cringe-inducing. I was so happy when the film finally ended. Please, unless you have small children, spare yourself from this nightmare.
Last up was (I assume) direct-to-video, Corporate Animals. Despite its decent cast with Demi Moore, Ed Helms, and Karen Sanjay, this movie fell flat pretty quickly. Following a group of co-workers on a team-building retreat, lead by vile boss, Lucy (Demi Moore), it quickly takes a turn for the worst when they get barricaded in a cave. Shortly after, their guide gets crushed by falling rock. Over the course of several days, they run out of food and resort to eating their dead guide. Other than pointing out petty problems and just how truly awful Lucy is, the movie mainly focuses on the cannibalism for far too long. By the time they make their escape I stopped caring who actually made it out.
Not my finest work this weekend. I should have just forgone these trash fires and went to go see Motherless Brooklyn instead…oh well. There’s always next week.