Weekend Movie Review: Creepy Sh** (and some funny sh**)

This past Friday my sister and I decided we needed some laughs in our lives, so we went to go see What Men Want starring Taraji P Henson. This movie definitely had laughs, albeit cheesy ones, but they were laughs nonetheless. Henson plays successful sports agent Ali, but can’t break through the boys club to become partner. She then encounters a strange taro card reader at a bachelorette party and is suddenly able to hear men’s thoughts. All men’s thoughts. Which I imagine were pretty accurate. And honestly, some were hilarious! Especially those between her assistant, Brandon (Josh Brener of Silicon Valley) and co-worker Danny (SNL’s Pete Davidson). That was comedy gold! Ultimately, there were too many players in this film and not enough focus on a core group of characters. They tried to squeeze in girlfriends, a romance, a relationship with her father, and workplace drama all in two hours. Just pick a lane and stick with it. That’s where it could have benefited, but all in all I enjoyed it.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, some friends and I went to see horror-thriller, The Prodigy, starring Orange is the New Black’s Taylor Schilling, mom to an exceptionally creepy kid! The beginning of this film had me a little confused. A girl running through the woods finally flags down a car and screams “he took my hand!” Then we switch to the guy who took her hand about to be raided by the FBI. He then comes out of his house butt-ass naked (why???) and is shot down holding that girls hand in his hand! Those scenes are inter-spliced with Sarah (Taylor Schilling) giving birth to a son, Miles. Again, at the time this made literally no sense to me. Flash forward eight years, with only some creepy Russian-sounding whispering coming from Miles in between, then he starts to turn sinister. Sarah takes his mumblings to a therapist, and the stuff this kid was saying in Hungarian was vulgar! Ultimately, the therapist says that murderer from the beginning was reincarnated into her son’s body! And if he doesn’t settle his unfinished business (murdering the runaway from the first scene), that he could push her real son out forever. And no kidding – that’s what happens! If you watch this movie and still want kids afterwards, good luck to you. This is just further reinforcement for me.

Lastly, I rented the remake of Suspiria. It was much too long and mildly confusing. But in a nutshell, it’s about a girl from Ohio getting accepted into a dance academy in Berlin. That is inter-spliced with scenes of a cult of witches referring to some as “mother.” Then some freaky stuff starts going down! The most disturbing scene hands down is when lead, Susie (Dakota Johnson), is dancing and in another room a different girl’s body is being ripped apart. Then those witches carry her out with a bunch of hooks! It was nasty!!! Ultimately, it turns out that Dakota Johnson fooled all of those witches because she’s the head honcho and annihilates all of the other witches. That was also an extremely weird scene to watch. Major ups to Tilda Swinton playing three different characters, one being completely unrecognizable as an old man!