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Weekend Movie Review: Creepy Sh** (and some funny sh**)

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This past Friday my sister and I decided we needed some laughs in our lives, so we went to go see What Men Want starring Taraji P Henson. This movie definitely had laughs, albeit cheesy ones, but they were laughs nonetheless. Henson plays successful sports agent Ali, but can’t break through the boys club to become partner. She then encounters a strange taro card reader at a bachelorette party and is suddenly able to hear men’s thoughts. All men’s thoughts. Which I imagine were pretty accurate. And honestly, some were hilarious! Especially those between her assistant, Brandon (Josh Brener of Silicon Valley) and co-worker Danny (SNL’s Pete Davidson). That was comedy gold! Ultimately, there were too many players in this film and not enough focus on a core group of characters. They tried to squeeze in girlfriends, a romance, a relationship with her father, and workplace drama all in two hours. Just pick a lane and stick with it. That’s where it could have benefited, but all in all I enjoyed it.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, some friends and I went to see horror-thriller, The Prodigy, starring Orange is the New Black’s Taylor Schilling, mom to an exceptionally creepy kid! The beginning of this film had me a little confused. A girl running through the woods finally flags down a car and screams “he took my hand!” Then we switch to the guy who took her hand about to be raided by the FBI. He then comes out of his house butt-ass naked (why???) and is shot down holding that girls hand in his hand! Those scenes are inter-spliced with Sarah (Taylor Schilling) giving birth to a son, Miles. Again, at the time this made literally no sense to me. Flash forward eight years, with only some creepy Russian-sounding whispering coming from Miles in between, then he starts to turn sinister. Sarah takes his mumblings to a therapist, and the stuff this kid was saying in Hungarian was vulgar! Ultimately, the therapist says that murderer from the beginning was reincarnated into her son’s body! And if he doesn’t settle his unfinished business (murdering the runaway from the first scene), that he could push her real son out forever. And no kidding – that’s what happens! If you watch this movie and still want kids afterwards, good luck to you. This is just further reinforcement for me.

Lastly, I rented the remake of Suspiria. It was much too long and mildly confusing. But in a nutshell, it’s about a girl from Ohio getting accepted into a dance academy in Berlin. That is inter-spliced with scenes of a cult of witches referring to some as “mother.” Then some freaky stuff starts going down! The most disturbing scene hands down is when lead, Susie (Dakota Johnson), is dancing and in another room a different girl’s body is being ripped apart. Then those witches carry her out with a bunch of hooks! It was nasty!!! Ultimately, it turns out that Dakota Johnson fooled all of those witches because she’s the head honcho and annihilates all of the other witches. That was also an extremely weird scene to watch. Major ups to Tilda Swinton playing three different characters, one being completely unrecognizable as an old man!

Awards Season Continued: 2019 Grammy Awards

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Full disclosure, I have not watched all of the Grammys yet, so you may see some updates here.

All in all, I didn’t think there were too many surprises with who took home trophies last night, but Top 40 isn’t totally my jam, so I can’t say for sure. I was a little disappointed that Underoath didn’t take home the Metal Performance award, and I was also a little bummed that Chris Cornell posthumously took home the Rock Performance (obviously he would, just like Bowie in 2016), only because the other nominees were great, too! In all my pre-Grammy research, the consensus was that Kacey Musgraves would take home the top honors because she was essentially the only country artist nominated; everyone else would be splitting hairs, and she did. Despite me not being a country fan, I have seen her perform live and she’s quite impressive, so kudos to her. Even though others deserved what they won, I was surprised that Post Malone got no love.

Speaking of Post Malone, let’s talk live performances of the night. I watched Post Malone “collaborate” with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Let’s be real. Those were two separate performances, except Post played guitar when the Chili Peppers were on. Eh. And as much as I love RHCP, why weren’t any of the other rock nominees out there performing with him?? Like Greta Van Fleet! That would be something to see! Lady Gaga was fine. A bit much for a soppy ballad. I read and accurate Twitter comment this morning: “If I muted Lady Gaga’s performance, I would have thought she was singing a metal song.” I also managed to catch Cardi B’s performance was very cabaret, but I enjoyed it!

In other controversial news, was Drake’s acceptance speech getting muted and then cut to commercial! Scandal! It seems to me like he got his point across, and I feel like the Grammys only aided him in his message. But to recap, he basically said that the awards don’t matter, that if you have people paying money to see you live or know the words to your songs than you are already succeeding. And I totally agree with that! I feel like the Grammys are just a Top 40 popularity contest/showcase, but it’s also not bad to get one either. Good for you, Drake!

Of all the major awards shows out there, this is one of my least favorite, so take this review with a grain of salt. For all award winners, check the link: https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/10/entertainment/grammy-winners-2019-list/index.html

A Brief Movie Review

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Yesterday I managed to squeeze in three movies after work before my eyes gave up on me. Rather than giving any major plot points away, I decided I am going to give the briefest gut instinct review I had after watching them. You’re welcome.

  1. Replicas – Good grief was this bad. Not even Keanu Reeves could make this better. Like at all.
  2. On the Basis of Sex – Man was this inspiring, and Armie Hammer as supportive husband?! Yes, please.
  3. Velvet Buzzsaw – Besides the badass title, there was death by colors and the creepiest art display ever, called “Hoboman.”

If I had to choose one for an audience to see, my vote is for On the Basis of Sex. Go see it! You won’t regret it!

Book Review: Boy Erased

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After watching Boy Erased this past December, I decided I wanted to read the memoir it was based on. I’ve got to say for the most part it was pretty spot on. There were certainly some more dramatized moments in the film, but it covered everything else accurately. It was a little hard to read with some names removed, and sometimes I wasn’t too certain to what time flashbacks were taking place, but otherwise the flow was nice.

The novel touched more on Garrard’s internal punishments, like not eating a lot and running more so he could “disappear,” which is something maybe the movie was lacking. I also got a strong sense of the relationship with his mother, as well as how religious he actually was. It was also touching to read how his experiences in conversion therapy essentially destroyed any relationship with God he had, but how he is still diligently trying to find it again.

All in all, I felt the memoir was maybe a bit long-winded. I’m not saying there probably wasn’t more to tell, but that he seemed to repeat himself a lot. Maybe the point was to draw this experience out for the reader just like the experience was probably an eternity to him.

TV Recap: Gotham

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I believe I missed reviewing last week’s episode of Gotham, so I’m back! This week’s episode titled “Pena Dura” picked up right where last week left off. We learned that Ed remembered firing off the RPG that destroyed Haven and killed hundreds of Gothamites. Although, with the memory problems he’s been having recently, he decides he did not do it unprovoked, so he heads off to find out why.

While trying to figure out who destroyed Haven, Jim and Harvey run into some trouble but are saved by some military folk sent in by Walker (who Jim spoke with over radio last week), including Jim’s old army buddy, Eduardo. Ed is pursued by the two, but escapes only to be captured by some serious hillbillies hellbent on avenging their pooch who got fried in the bombing (not kidding). It was during this torture that Ed remembers Oswald/Penguin saying he was going to “fix” Ed.

After escaping the hillbillies, he makes his way over to city hall to have a stand-off with Penguin only to learn that Oswald was trying to SAVE Edward after being stabbed. Ed learns that he paid Dr. Strange (all hail BD Wong!) to fix him back up. Through a heated exchange we basically get their version of saying they love each other (Nygmobblepot for life), but then the cops show up as Ed escapes again.

Ed makes his way to Barbara’s club to get answers to where Strange is at, and end up forming a very loose alliance. After confronting Dr. Strange, Ed gets a paralytic sprayed in his face because Dr. Strange needs to fix the chip that was implanted in his brain. We learn that he’s being controlled, although not by Strange. At the end of the procedure, Jim and Eduardo bust in and we learn that EDUARDO is controlling Nygma! He tells Jim he needs to put a bullet in his head in order to prove his loyalty. Jim obviously can’t do that, escapes, so Eduardo orders Ed to go after Jim and kill him.

In the midst of all of that action, we see Bruce still struggling with the fact that Selina murdered Jeremiah and feels no remorse. In confronting her at the club, Selina hits Bruce with a harsh truth: she saw his parents get murdered and did nothing about it because she didn’t care. She’s not a hero like Bruce wants her to be. That’s got to be a tough pill to swallow.

All that celebrating is for not though, since at the end of the episode we see Ecco wake a SLEEPING Jeremiah. He is led out of his “tomb” to see the work of a surgeon who has apparently made Thomas and Martha Wayne replicas. Can’t wait to see Bruce freak out about that. Two weeks from now we should be getting some more answers, but in the meantime we must wait. Boo!

Mediocre Movie Reviews: Serenity, Glass, Mid90s, The Oath

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Well folks, I managed to squeeze in four intensely mediocre films this weekend. Sorry if I have offended anyone, but this is just my opinion.

First up was my sister’s choice to go see Serenity with Matthew McConauhey and Anne Hathaway. I will admit that I never used to care for McConauhey and I’m a severe Hatha-hater, so I’m not sure what made me decide to say “yes” to seeing this movie. Either way, I went. About halfway through I turned to my friend and declared that this movie is at least a D+. The story took place in a sleepy fishing town in some tropical area. McConauhey’s Baker Dill has casual sex with an older women and it obsessed with catching this gigantic tuna. It’s this same scene for about 45 minutes of the film and then Hathaway shows up with a seriously bad dye job. We learn that she’s an ex from back in the day and left him with their son for her now abusive husband. She eventually convinces Baker to take her husband out to sea and kill him. All while this is happening there are a few weird camera shifts and cuts to their strange son playing video games. At the end you finally learn that Baker Dill died in war and the whole movie is a video game world that the son has created. Very choppy. Very not good. Don’t waste your cash.

Glass only left me mildly disappointed. Despite the events taking place right after Split, a lot of time was spend rehashing what Unbreakable star Bruce Willis and his son have been up to. And just like Unbreakable, I really wanted to like this movie because the concept is so original and unlike anything I’ve ever really seen, but it was just so slow and not a whole lot of action. Spoiler, all of the original baddies (and one good) die at the end; a seemingly good end to the trilogy, but Sarah Paulson’s Dr. Ellie Staple is part of a bigger and extremely delusional cult and it seems like their work might not be done. This film is getting panned by critics across the board, but that doesn’t stop the box office for this to keep going up. I vote you spend your theater time with something else and wait to rent this.

Next I rented two more recent releases, The Oath and Mid90s. I wanted to like them both so much, but one was a political comedy starring Ike Barinholtz and Tiffany Haddish that just didn’t land for me and Mid90s was rather vulgar even for my taste. The Oath focused on a near future dystopian state where the government wants everyone to sign a controversial document called the “Patriot’s Oath.” Taking place over the course of Thanksgiving week, there are family arguments and two questionable Homeland Security agents show up when all hell breaks loose. A lot of rehashing, and I just don’t really like political movies. Mid90s focused on little Stevie, who becomes enthralled and eventually friends with a group of skaters. In many efforts to prove himself he smokes, drinks, does drugs, has a sexual experience, and gets himself hurt. A lot. Even though I am a product of the 90s, I found it really hard to related to this film. maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up in this particular area of the country or in Stevie’s particular household. Also, Lucas Hedges as a bully big brother was completely unbelievable. Not sure why Jonah Hill cast him here.

Overall, don’t waste your time with any of these films and hopefully I’ll have something better to review next weekend!

Awards Season Review: Screen Actors Guild Awards (SAG-AFTRA)

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Awards seasons continues with the last major ceremony before the Academy Awards, the Screen Actors Guild Awards, so naturally I was excited to watch the 25th iteration of it last night! With that being said, Megan Mullally, the host, was seriously awkward, and I don’t know that I even heard chuckles from the audience for most of her jokes. Although I did like when she brought out Smitty from Will & Grace. Her opening monologue was so poor that I think she took away from what would have been a pretty good joke from Ricky Martin, who was a presenter of the first award of the night.

I apparently didn’t look too closely at who was nominated for each category before tuning in, because some were quite odd and surprising. It seems some people who were considered for supporting roles were considered for main ones here, Sam Rockwell got shut out of the supporting actor, and so did Vice for the best ensemble category. Some surprise wins for me included Emily Blunt for her silent role in A Quiet Place, John Krasinski’s nomination for best actor in a drama series, and This Is Us taking home the trophy for best drama over the last season of The Americans.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel swept all the categories it was nominated for, and Rami Malek further cemented his chances for best actor after he nabbed it again last night (did anyone else see Christian Bale’s face at that win?!). I was surprised, but not, to see Black Panther win best ensemble, especially since it was up against other crowd favorites like Crazy Rich Asians. I did notice that Roma had no nominations and A Star is Born got completely shut out again (not looking good, Oscars), so some other actors got some real chances. And this awards show is different in that the awards are voted on by their SAG peers – it’s almost like a superlatives show, although good actors know good acting, so I can’t ignore that.

Notable speeches of the night included Rami Malek, Emily Blunt, and Life Achievement Award recipient Alan Alda. Go fishing through Youtube to find those – you’re welcome.

Album Review: FEVER 333, Strength in Numb333rs

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Fever 333 are one of the most explosive and exciting bands that I’ve listened to recently, so I’m very excited to be doing this review! Not even a year after their wildly successful and amazing EP, Made in America, the band released their first full-length album, Strength in Numb333rs. Man is this record impactful! It’s in your face right from the get-go and they don’t stop for 10 tracks! The lead single “Burn It” is reminiscent of the EP and is catchy as hell, where “Inglewood/3” slows down a little bit at the start and then rips your face off at the end. Personally and politically charged, this album’s lyrics are angry and lead singer, Jason Aalon Butler, is literally screaming most of them at you. A method that works, because after one listen all of those songs stuck with me.

Having seen them live twice with a lot less content to perform, I can’t wait to see them again and take over the entire venue, let alone the stage. They’ve got a polarizing presence in the rock scene and I know that they are going to get the recognition they deserve very soon (fingers crossed for the Grammy Awards on February 2nd)! Stand outs on the record for me include “Am I Here?,” “Prey for Me/3,” and “One of Us.” Do yourself a favor, and go listen to Strength in Numb333rs. Like now.

Film Review: Polar

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So yesterday was January 25th, which means Mads Mikkelsen’s first of two frigid films came out, Polar on Netflix. I stayed up late to watch this gruesome action flick, and I must say it was totally worth it! Having never read the noir comic this moved was based on, it gave me some serious John Wick vibes, but a lot gritter.

Mikkelsen plays Duncan, an assassin two weeks from retirement. The company he works for has other plans, especially since Duncan’s retirement equals an $8 million dollar payout that they just can’t afford (yay finance!). Duncan is living a semi-quiet life in the woods next door to Camille, played by Vanessa Hudgens (odd), who I’m not quite sure what her purpose serves in his life yet.

All of that is disrupted when upper management sends a sea of younger assassins to kill Duncan. He ends up defending himself really well, and NAKED, but learns that Camille has been taken as a means to lure Duncan to “the mansion” to be killed. After getting duped by an old colleague and tortured for the four days leading up to his retirement, Duncan ultimately comes out on top but severely injured. A few days of healing later and he’s ready to take on the remaining assassins with the coolest laser-machine guns! Mass carnage!

He saves Camille from her drug-induced state, but then, PLOT TWIST, she ends up being the only survivor from an assignment Duncan was given long ago. With a gun pointed at his head, Duncan accepts his fate only to be spared to help Camille to find the man who had put the hit out on her family.

Like I said, really gruesome and gritty, but really well done. Maks Mikkelsen is fantastic!

Book Review: Fallen Series

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Almost 2,000 pages later and I’m finally done reading the Fallen book series by Lauren Kate. While my review of the first two books were a little bitter, I will say the series had a strong finish, with a nice short little companion book in the middle.

After Fallen and Torment, the book Passion followed. This book finally takes Luce out of her school surroundings and away from her angel and Nephilim friends. Which was sort of nice. This books main focus was Luce going through her “Announcers” and into all of her past lives to see how she was and how she met Daniel and ultimately died each time. Not too long after travelling alone she meets up with a gargoyle looking figure who goes by the name Bill (why?). he’s there to help her through her past lives and even teaches her how to “cleave” with her past selves. None of this sounds sketchy at all….

Meanwhile, all of the angels and Nephilim have split up also looking through Announcers to find Luce and bring her back. Daniel is not really successful in the slightest, but he realizes that this was all meant to happen and that something Luce does while fiddling in these past lives is what ultimately broke her curse.

In the end it turns out Bill wasn’t so nice after all. In fact, he’s Lucifer! And he’s supremely pissed at Luce. He wants the scale tipped in his favor and Luce isn’t making that possible. So instead, he leaves her is some dark limbo state while he goes back to the beginning to re-initiate “the fall.” This of course would ultimately alter the course of centuries and could make certain people cease to exist! And that’s where this novel ends.

Before reading the final book, I decided to read the short (in comparison) companion novel called Fallen in Love. This book centers on Luce’s renaissance life where many of the other angels and Nephilim friends have caught up to each other. Rather than meddle in Luce and Daniel’s life, they sit back and watch their love take place while also falling in love themselves. That’s right, you get to see Miles and Shelby fall in love. And you also get to meet Roland and Arriane’s romantic counterparts. Both of the angels romances end in tragedy, but they are ultimately glad to see the love be tween Luce and Daniel blossom. Cute, fluff, filler. I’m okay with it.

All of that brings me to the last novel, Rapture. I have to say this one was my favorite, although I still don’t understand how this story takes over 400 pages a book, but I digress. Luce and Daniel have finally found each other and the other angels who now know about Lucifer’s plan. They determine from some old book that Daniel wrote a long time ago that they need to fine three artifacts and that will help lead them to the sight of the fall to stop Lucifer. Oh yeah, they only have nine days to do that. And some seriously annoying foes who keep getting in their way. Ultimately, they end up gathering all of the artifacts, perform some sacrifice that was meant to happen all along, and get themselves to the sight of the fall.

Game-changer! Once this happens, Luce discovers she’s an angel! This is of course a suspicion I’ve had for a while, but it was nice to read. We also learned that she was the Throne’s 3-hand man (cough, lady). AND we learn that Luce loved someone before Daniel. And that someone was LUCIFER! That sh** is bananas. Luce is able to put all of these pieces together and knows she has to go find Lucifer in the fall and convince him she will never be with him and to stop the fall. She is not too successful, so the Throne gets involved. Ultimately, Daniel and Luce choose love once again, and are “sentenced” to live one final life as mortals.

Flash forward seventeen years and we see Miles and Shelby, Roland, and Arriane about to watch Luce and Daniel meet for the first time so their one true love story can start again for the last time. It’s like a move folks. Side note, Cam, my favorite character, really redeemed himself in these last two novels.

I don’t know that I’d recommend this series to adult people, but I definitely don’t regret having read them. Take that however you’d like 🙂