Comedy

Weekend Movie Review: Creepy Sh** (and some funny sh**)

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This past Friday my sister and I decided we needed some laughs in our lives, so we went to go see What Men Want starring Taraji P Henson. This movie definitely had laughs, albeit cheesy ones, but they were laughs nonetheless. Henson plays successful sports agent Ali, but can’t break through the boys club to become partner. She then encounters a strange taro card reader at a bachelorette party and is suddenly able to hear men’s thoughts. All men’s thoughts. Which I imagine were pretty accurate. And honestly, some were hilarious! Especially those between her assistant, Brandon (Josh Brener of Silicon Valley) and co-worker Danny (SNL’s Pete Davidson). That was comedy gold! Ultimately, there were too many players in this film and not enough focus on a core group of characters. They tried to squeeze in girlfriends, a romance, a relationship with her father, and workplace drama all in two hours. Just pick a lane and stick with it. That’s where it could have benefited, but all in all I enjoyed it.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, some friends and I went to see horror-thriller, The Prodigy, starring Orange is the New Black’s Taylor Schilling, mom to an exceptionally creepy kid! The beginning of this film had me a little confused. A girl running through the woods finally flags down a car and screams “he took my hand!” Then we switch to the guy who took her hand about to be raided by the FBI. He then comes out of his house butt-ass naked (why???) and is shot down holding that girls hand in his hand! Those scenes are inter-spliced with Sarah (Taylor Schilling) giving birth to a son, Miles. Again, at the time this made literally no sense to me. Flash forward eight years, with only some creepy Russian-sounding whispering coming from Miles in between, then he starts to turn sinister. Sarah takes his mumblings to a therapist, and the stuff this kid was saying in Hungarian was vulgar! Ultimately, the therapist says that murderer from the beginning was reincarnated into her son’s body! And if he doesn’t settle his unfinished business (murdering the runaway from the first scene), that he could push her real son out forever. And no kidding – that’s what happens! If you watch this movie and still want kids afterwards, good luck to you. This is just further reinforcement for me.

Lastly, I rented the remake of Suspiria. It was much too long and mildly confusing. But in a nutshell, it’s about a girl from Ohio getting accepted into a dance academy in Berlin. That is inter-spliced with scenes of a cult of witches referring to some as “mother.” Then some freaky stuff starts going down! The most disturbing scene hands down is when lead, Susie (Dakota Johnson), is dancing and in another room a different girl’s body is being ripped apart. Then those witches carry her out with a bunch of hooks! It was nasty!!! Ultimately, it turns out that Dakota Johnson fooled all of those witches because she’s the head honcho and annihilates all of the other witches. That was also an extremely weird scene to watch. Major ups to Tilda Swinton playing three different characters, one being completely unrecognizable as an old man!

Weekend Movie Reviews: The Upside, What They Had, All About Nina

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Unfortunately, weather got in the way of my movie plans this weekend, so I only managed to sneak in one new one. Although I think it was a pretty solid choice! A few friends and I went to go see The Upside, a remake of the 2011 French film The Intouchables (based on a true story), starring Kevin Hart and Bryan Cranston. Cranston plays quadriplegic Phillip who is in need of a new caretaker, although he is sort of fed up with life. Cue the hiring of ex-con Dell, played by Kevin Hart. At first the two are at odds with each other, but then essentially become the best of friends. I mean that is a very general overview, but what else would you expect to happen here? With both Hart and Cranston, the laughs were consistent throughout, and Nicole Kidman as Phillip’s executive, Yvonne, she was a light and nice touch to the ensemble. Definitely would recommend!

Since Saturday was a bust, I headed over to my local video store and rented two newer releases. The first I watched was What They Had, about a mother with Alzheimer’s and a father whose love is too strong to let her go to a facility. The film starts with a frantic call to siblings, played by Hilary Swank and Michael Shannon, that their mother has run out in the middle of the night during a blizzard on Christmas Eve. Two things I took away from this film: 1 – this family is messed up and 2 – this movie was freaking sad! Hilary Swank has a terrible relationship with, well, everyone, and Michael Shannon is a jerk because he’s around dealing with all of their parents’ health issues but isn’t the executor. She finally learns she has to make her life not to please people, so she separates from her husband and reconciles with her daughter. Michael Shannon finally gets his father’s approval for his livelihood. And then the saddest part – the father dies of a heart attack! Although Blythe Danner put it best, “I think now was the perfect time. Any sooner and I would have been too sad, and any later I wouldn’t have remembered him.” Tears. All the tears.

Next I popped in All About Nina. Which was just okay. Aside from the decent stand-up, I’d say this was definitely more of a drama. Nina, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, is only about sex and sabotages anything even remotely close to relationship. She moves to LA in order to get away from an abusive married man she was having an affair with, and also to get on Comedy Prime. In the midst of all her efforts she runs into smooth talker and general nice guy Rafe, played by Common. Nina is willing to go all in with this relationship, but something from her past keeps butting its ugly head into it, until she finally blows during a set. By the end you are pretty sure things are good with her relationship, but not so sure about her stand-up.

TV Show Recap: Splitting Up Together, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Gotham

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It was an awfully busy week for me this past one, so I got caught up this morning on what little shows have returned from their winter hiatus.

First on the docket was ABC’s half hour comedy, Splitting Up Together, starring Jenna Fischer and Oliver Hudson. Sometimes I love this show, and other times it’s just blah. I’m a little unsure if there’s enough meat and potatoes for this show to go on for too long, but perhaps I’ll be surprised in the future. This show last left off with Lena getting over her brief fling with foreign contractor, Vlad, and Martin getting cozy with a delightfully bitchy Ali Larter (Heroes R.I.P.). It only makes sense that this return episode would start off with a wet dream where Martin unsnaps Lena’s body suit. Lena is so moved by this dream that in an attempt to cover for starring she slams her face straight into the refrigerator. At the dentist to get her tooth fixed, she accepts an unknown pill (Mary Jane) from an unassuming old lady in the waiting room. The rest of the episode focuses on Martin trying to get his high ex-wife safely to parent night at the school. On a lame side story, Lena’s annoying sister Maya asks the most unfortunate waiter out for a date. The supporting cast for this show does absolutely nothing in terms of story line or plot, but maybe that’s intentional. Right now, both Jenna Fischer and Oliver Hudson are funny enough to keep me watching. Although I have a feeling this could be the next The Good Place for me.

Next up was the return of Brooklyn Nine-Nine! Praise the television gods that NBC picked this up. One of my favorite comedies on TV right now, this episode left off right where FOX ended it – on a cliffhanger! After Jake and Amy’s wedding at the bar, Captain Holt received word if he was going to be the new commissioner. He was!…until he read it back with the word “not” in there. Jake and Amy headed off for a very intimate and tropical honeymoon with some wedding insurance money. When they get there though, they run into the deeply depressed Captain Holt! In order to get him out of their hair they decide to include him in all of their activities so he’d cheer up and head home early. It worked in the only way this show would make it work – Captain Holt was going to quit the police department! Cue Santiago getting real PG angry at him, in which he then had a change of heart. Jake and Amy were then able to enjoy the rest of their honeymoon role playing at Melvil Dewey (creator of the Dewey Decimal System) and Holly Genero from Die Hard, respectively. Meanwhile in the office, Gina’s mom left Boyle’s dad, so naturally Boyle badgers Gina into getting to the bottom of it – her mom was cheating! Elsewhere, Sargent Jeffords was having difficulty helping Rosa with a dilemma. In searching for Holt’s handbook for if he became commissioner, he found out that there were no specific instructions since he trusts Jeffords completely. Chock full of jokes, this was a great premiere episode on a new network!

Like I promised, here is my review of Gotham’s second episode of the final season, “Trespassers”. Picking up almost essentially where last week left off, the orphan reveals there are other children being worked to the bone for a group called the Soothsayers who are powered by smoke (?). Jim and Harvey are off to find their whereabouts after bargaining with Barbara into borrowing a large truck. With a little scuffle, they find the kids and get them all loaded to head off to a safe location except for three of them. The kids along with Jim and Harvey find a sketchy house and head in for protection. They got more than they bargained for when they run into “the mother.” She was certainly creepy – and a cannibal! While trying to escape, Jim gets in the middle of the Soothsayers and another painted-up gang both bickering over who gets the kill shot for Penguin’s ransom on Jim’s head. Barbara steps in to end it, with Jim’s help, too, and all is fine in the world of the children and most of the remaining citizens of Gotham. Meanwhile, we revisit the Riddler who wakes up to find himself chained to a bed. Satisfied that he’s stopped Ed from taking over while he sleeps, he heads into the bathroom only to find a gang member tied up! That Street Demon gang member leads him back to his boss, who also happens to be killed. On the wall in spray paint says “Penguin was here,” which means Ed framed Penguin to start a gang war. The biggest revelation of this episode was Bruce finding “the witch” mentioned in last week’s episode. That witch ended up being Ivy, who gave Bruce a seed that would help cure Selina of her paralysis. Although Ivy warned that it will change her. After taking the seed, Selina is able to walk again, but we see her eyes shift to the legendary cat eyes. What happens next week remains to be seen, but I’m excited!